Paralyzing Fear
by laughing-spirit13
Summary: Jade was a girl of ambition, not evil. So, accordingly, she was placed in Slytherin. But a fear, deeper than anything she could have controlled, may destroy everything about her. All because of a best friend and a boggart. Takes place in Harry's 3rd year, about an OC in her 6th year. One-shot.


N.E.W.T.s were coming up. Coming up faster than the Hogwarts Express, Jade thought. The whole Slytherin 6th year seemed to agree, all bent over books wherever an open space could be found; table tops, the fire place hearth, one boy was even writing against one of the shields that hung on the wall. It was constantly stuffed up in the common room, and dimly lit with sun filtering through the lake. Candles burned softly, the fire flickered warmly, but it just was not enough light to see her notes. And with N.E.W.T.s coming up like a rampaging hippogriff, Jade craved for real light to study by. Tests were a poison, sun was her antidote.

So she told her friends she was going to study outside, which they acknowledge with a slight grunt and more quill scribbling. Someone's quill broke with a crack, a soft curse was muttered, bags were rummaged through, and a new quill was writing. Jade left the common room and walked up the dungeon stairs.

She could feel it get warmer as she walked up, each step equal to 1 degree rise. She never cared for the dungeons, hiding away under the lake. It was like a room trapped in the past. Eerie, glowing green, always humid, and sophisticated like a castle. The walls were covered in shields and armor, the silver sofas were spotless at all times, and the dark wood tables were set up with equal spacing. She had never seen another common room, but she imagined them better than hers. Maybe with a sofa that was broken in, maybe with friendly pictures on the wall. Maybe some sunlight.

Jade pushed out into the courtyard with her books and wand. N.E.W.T.s were coming up, and she had a lot to study; Defense Against the Dark Arts, Potions, Transfiguration, Charms, Herbology, and Alchemy. Yeah, she was a busy witch, but she had to be. She had to prove that she was good.

She walked down to the Great Lake. The water lapped against the stones, a few Hufflepuff 1st years sat with their bare feet in the shallows. They had it easy. Jade remembered when she was a 1st year, thinking that all the teachers were conspiring to give her the most work. Now she looked back, wondering why she didn't spend more time with her bare feet in the shallows.

She trudged past them, up a hill, and under a tree. Jade had no need for the tree, since she came for sunlight so sat on the sunny side, but she enjoyed the idea of a roof of leaves.

A moment later, she shut out the peace, opened her _Advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts, _and dived into it.

It was dark when she put down the book. It was after hours. She missed dinner, and dessert for that matter. Jade would sneak into the kitchens; since she was already out after curfew getting dinner wouldn't be too far out of her way. Plus, Jade had to keep studying, and how would she study with her stomach making such racket? After all, N.E.W.T.s were coming up. She had to study if she were to do some good in the world.

She first cast a disillusionment charm. Though her magic was not yet perfect, detention did not suit Jade, especially if her parents were to hear.

Filch almost ran into her in the halls. He didn't see through her charm, and she had to slam herself flat against a wall to avoid him. Mrs. Norris was standing around the next corner. Jade was so tempted to fulfill the dreams of all exiting students and entering first years; she just wanted to kick that bloody cat. But, alas, her hunger and perfect record held that foot back, and she managed to sneak by.

The elves fed her Shepard's pie and eclairs, and with her stomach full, she headed back out, past the Hufflepuff common room, and right into Lupin.

She caught her breath. She stiffened. She held her bag tight against her chest and shuffled back to an ajar door.

"Jade, I taught you that spell. Let us not try to trick the teacher. Now, tell me something logical," Jade shuffled back out, had half a mind to tell Lupin to stuff it, but decided she was in enough trouble as it was.

"I was studying outside, lost track of time, wanted food, and was back on my way to the common room," Jade heard her voice rise a few octaves, as it did when she spoke to teachers or elders.

"And…if I were to give you a detention, would that be fair?"

Jade had a half a mind to tell Lupin to stuff it again, and the other half was telling her to tell him to bugger off. "I have to study. N.E.W.T.s are coming up. I must study. So no, it would not be fair."

"Ah, but you are breaking the rules here, and though I understand the pressure you must be going through, I cannot simply ignore the rules. How about a compromise? I'll walk you to the dungeons so Filch cannot lay a hand on you, and tomorrow you must come and help clean my classroom. Does this sound fair?" Jade had "no" on the tip of her tongue, but when she thought harder, this wasn't too bad. Tomorrow she could devote to Defense Against the Dark Arts studies and question Lupin all day. So, slowly, she nodded her head.

The next day was a Sunday. Jade still wore her uniform. Not the whole thing, just the cloak with some silly muggle clothing underneath. She also dragged her study buddy, Natasha, along. At 11o'clock sharp, the two 6th year Slytherins walked into Professor Lupin's room.

"Ah, I see you brought a friend. Watch the grindylow, though I say you must see many of them from your windows. Now, I was thinking you could start in that corner with the wardrobe. I'll be in my office grading papers, and when you finish come tell me and I will see what else can be done," Lupin smiled, gave a small wave and was gone.

Natasha sighed, "Why did you drag me along too? I could be studying, or outside, or you know, doing something interesting," Natasha spread herself across a desk, her brown hair flowing off it like a waterfall. She bit at her thumb nail and sighed some more.

Jade pulled her black hair back with a ponytail and set to work. Lupin did not stay, and this whole day became nothing more than a pointless waste. She had to study, she meant to ask questions. But left unsupervised this day became utterly useless to her and her mission. The faster she cleaned, the faster she could make this day count.

The black wardrobe shook. Jade cleaned the desk behind it with a scourgify charm. The black wardrobe rattled. Jade cast wingardium leviosa charms on some boxes that would be better on upper shelves. The black wardrobe shuttered.

"For goodness sake, open the bloody thing!" Natasha whisper-screamed. Her eyes were staring intently at the thing, as if she could burn a hole through it with nothing but a glare.

"I just want to get this done with. N.E.W.T.s are coming up, we need to study," Jade responded with her natural hoarse voice.

"But come on! We always study! We are guaranteed Outstandings in Charms and Potions! Only a few more subjects to hit! This will take 5 seconds out of our time!" Natasha was using her hand to gesture to the black wardrobe which was clanging around.

Jade tried the handle; it was locked. She gave a hopeless gesture to Natasha and pointed her scourgify charm under the black wardrobe.

"Come on, that's it? Aren't you the least bit curious?" Natasha stood and walked over to Jade's side.

"It's not like its a secret. The thing in there is a boggart, Professor Lupin told us that once he got it here-"

"Well duh, way to pay attention. I meant about your fear! Come on, when it came we didn't have time to face the boggart. What is our greatest fear? We never faced them! Remember, I asked you-"

"Yes I remember," Jade interrupted. Time was wasting away with this argument. But there was a hint of curiosity that made her think. What was her greatest fear? She had never found it, never once was confronted with something she could not handle. It would make her stronger, to face her fear, she was sure.

"Well, if you aren't going to then I am," Natasha pulled a loose bang behind her ear and spread her arms out, "I'm gonna face my biggest fear. The curse is riddikulus; 3rd year magic! I heard that a Weasley managed it!" Natasha continued to talk confidence into herself. Jade stepped back out of her way. She was curious to see Natasha's fear, as Natasha, too, never had to face it.

Natasha gave a flick of her wand; the door handle slowly creaked open, the rattling stopped, and all was calm. Out of the wardrobe came a noise, a singing. A fishy smell followed, but it did not affect how pleasant everything became. It was right, it was all right. Who cares if Jade fails her N.E.W.T.s? Who cares if she studies? Who cares if she did something good? This voice took all the worry and sapped it away.

And out of the wardrobe flopped a very pretty girl with a very pretty mermaid's tail. Long, wavy hair the color of copper, polished fish scales of bronze, and her human skin shimmering with a golden light gave her the appearance of living precious metals. Round silver eyes stared at Natasha, kindness and comfort swimming about them. The half-girl half-fish continued to sing, something of peace, of love, of dreams and how great the world would be if all could hear her sing.

Natasha stepped forward. And again. She reached out her hand to the mermaid. But, in Natasha's blue eyes, Jade saw a primeval fear. Mermaids? Natasha, who was tough as dragon scales, had a fear of mermaids?

Something was wrong, though. Jade had seen mermaids. She watched them swim past her window, watched children playing with shells and women warriors swim with their pet grindylows. They had beautiful voices, but only in the water.

Natasha pulled out her wand, screamed with all her might "Riddikulus!" and the metal colored thing turned to real metal. Jade looked closer and saw that pointed teeth, like tiny needles, were lining her mouth.

"Sirens," Natasha gasped, clutching her chest, "my greatest fear. Sirens and their bloody songs."

"Ah, I though I heard someone chant a spell. Natasha, you know that I told you just to clean, yes? Though I must say, you did a fine job of turning her to metal," Professor Lupin was walking down the stairs, fury in his light eyes. Maybe it didn't ring in his friendly tone, but Jade could certainly see the anger stirring.

"Professor Lupin…" Natasha started, but for lack of an excuse, hung her head.

"Yes, that is what I thought. We will discuss your decisions once we get this boggart away. Now-" but it was too late. The boggart changed into a tall figure, looming over everything, it's head almost touching the ceiling. Black robes covered it from head to foot, yet anyone could tell that it was far too skinny to be living.

"Dementor?" Natasha asked. She pulled out her wand and shouted "Expecto Patronum!" but the spell was nothing more than a mere wisp of silver.

The robed thing carried a simple scythe, and Jade saw her reflection in it. That's when she knew she was next. She wasn't sure what for, but she was sure it wouldn't be good. But Jade was next, said the scythe, and what reason did it have to lie to her?

The hooded thing glided toward her, reaching out a hand, or a skeleton of a hand; all bone no flesh. Jade shut her eyes. She froze, paralyzed with fear. She could run, but her legs wouldn't obey. And then the thing was in her head, on the backs of her eyelids, showing her you could run in any direction you choose, but I will always be with you. Jade felt a tear run down her cheek, she felt lost, she felt confused, but most of all, she was scared of what was to come.

There was a yell, a cry of "Riddikulus!" and when Jade opened her eyes she saw a white balloon flying around madly. Natasha was laughing, which seemed to upset the balloon. Lupin gave a chuckle, and the balloon zoomed back into its black wardrobe.

"Now remember Jade, what really finishes off a boggart is laughter," Lupin reached in one of his tattered pockets, "This is something I keep on me at all times. Have some chocolate, it helps." Jade took the chocolate without a word.

"Natasha, come into my office. Jade, I think you have had enough punishment today. Eat the chocolate, maybe head down to Madam Pomfrey, go sit in the sunlight, go sit in bed. Get warm. I imagine you just went through a very chilling experience," Lupin lent her a smile, warm and soft, grabbed Natasha by the elbow, and pulled her into the back room.

Jade did nothing but sit where she was, shivering, weeping silently, grasping at the chocolate like it was her life line. Would she ever get up? Maybe not. What was the point? The hooded thing was still in her mind's eyes, watching her, waiting for her. And was he patient? Probably. Jade had no where to go. So she sat there, as good a place as any, shaking, crying, a weak pitiful thing, until Professor Lupin and Natasha came back and dragged her to the Hospital Wing.

* * *

Word got around fast, as word does in school. Natasha told one of Jade's friends, who told a fellow Slytherin, who told another Slytherin, who told her boyfriend who told 3rd year Draco Malfoy, who naturally told everyone. Jade's greatest fear was Death.

* * *

Jade stayed in the Hospital Wing for 2 days, paralyzed by the fear and haunted by the scythe. She did not study, not even with N.E.W.T.s coming up, and she put a temporary halt to doing something good. She shook while she was awake and shivered while she was asleep, and the only cure Madam Pomfrey had was rest and time.

Came Wednesday, Jade was ready to leave. She left the Hospital Wing and walked down a deserted hallway, then down another, and again another. Everyone was at their classes, as she should be, since N.E.W.T.s were coming up. But Madam Pomfrey instructed her to stay in her common room for the day and rest up.

But the dark, the eerie green light, the armor and swords for decoration put her off following directions. Rather, Jade walked outside, sat on the shore of the Great Lake and allowed the water to splash over her bare feet.

Jade went to the Great Hall for dinner. She opened the door to a welcoming sound of life buzzing everywhere, the smell of pumpkin juice and some type of soup, and a great many cheers from her friends. They were glad to see her back on her feet again.

But, she was greeted by sneers, by smirks, by whispers and muffled "Really?!" or "Unbelievable!" Much of it from the Gryffindor table, the second most from Hufflepuff. Though Hufflepuffs were the loyal ones, they were loyal to their own kind, and whatever rumor had spread through the school to greet Jade was something for them to eagerly share with one another.

Jade ignored them, sure it was just a silly rumor that would pass over once she attended a few classes. Her friends put their arms around her, piled her plate with food, and begged her to eat something since she looked like she lost at least 10 pounds.

And for the first time since Jade's experience, she smiled.

* * *

"I heard that her parents were too-"

"I heard it was just her father-"

"Well, it must run in the family then!"

"Doesn't it normally?"

These were the snippets of conversation Jade would pick up from class to class. But she did not have the time to care for their silly rantings, for N.E.W.T.s were coming up, and Jade had fallen behind. Snape had been easy on her, telling her that it was not her fault and that she would be excused from the assignments during her absence. McGonagall, however, said that she would give Jade an extra week to turn in an essay on the uses of turning furniture to animals. A 12 inch essay too.

Her next stop was Herbology, where Professor Sprout also excused her from everything. In Alchemy she had to catch up and learn some important equations for the N.E.W.T.s. And in Charms Flitwick excused because of her already excellent grade.

Her last room to stop at was Lupin's. She didn't enter that room. She stood in the door frame, called out, knocked, and called out again. Lupin came to her. They spoke in the hallway.

"I've been concerned. I was wondering when you would check in with me. I gave Natasha decent punishment, though I must say I had to take points. Are you getting better?" Lupin asked with genuine concern.

"Just fine," Jade answered curtly. She just wanted to get away. She didn't blame Natasha nearly as much as she blamed Professor Lupin. She blamed the Gryffindor who should have known better than to leave a rattling cabinet in the way of her cleaning. She blamed Remus Lupin and his bloody compromise. She just wanted to get away from him.

"Well, I'm glad you are holding up. Have some chocolate," Lupin held out a bar of milk chocolate which Jade stuffed impatiently into her robes, "Naturally you are excused from the missing assignments. I hope that we can catch you up, but since you are so eager to pass the N.E.W.T.s I think it will be okay. I hope to see you in classes tomorrow, seeing as we didn't have each other today," Lupin tipped his shaggy head and turned away.

Jade went outside and threw Lupin's chocolate into the Great Lake. A giant tentacle came up and sucked the chocolate down to the depths.

* * *

Back at the common room, every 6th and 5th years' head was bent over papers in intense concentration. Natasha was hidden away in some corner near a soft candle and all her other friends were out of sight, lost in their own studies. But the rest of students, all 1-4th years, were quieter. Not even a breath could be heard. Yet she was overcome with their presence. All eyes were on her, the 6th year who just walked into the common room.

Jade went red in the face, felt all her anger at Lupin and Natasha and that stupid boggart fill her like a cup, and it overflowed.

"What do you want, underclassmen? You want to tell me something? Huh?" Jade threw her bag into the wall breathing hard. All day she had felt like this, like the eyes were following her rather than that Potter kid. She felt that the voices were spreading rumors about Jade, rather than Harry.

"Well, it's just…" a braver first year walked up to Jade, but felt the fear stop her short. They weren't Gryffindors, after all; survival over curiosity. And with the look in Jade's brown eyes, curiosity would defiantly kill the snakes.

"Death Eater, are you? Afraid of Death? Well, its not a bad thing, I think," Draco Malfoy, a sniveling 3rd year, commented.

Jade was stunned. Jade was caught off guard. Her? A Death Eater? A slave to You-Know-Who? But…she wanted to do something good! And everyone knew that, everyone. If Jade was going to turn into nothing but a brain dead monkey she would not have even bothered with so many classes.

"Death Eater? Maybe it is easy for slimy weasels like you, Malfoy, but some of us have real ambition to be someone in this world," Jade was gritting her teeth. Her hand was on her wand, and she was set for kill. Was this why everyone stared at her? Because they thought she was nothing more than a worthless minion?

"Hey! I'm not judging you here. Serving a purpose greater than oneself is a fantastic ambition," Malfoy put his hands up in defense.

"Shut up, Malfoy," Jade said.

"Come on, afraid of Death? Jade, you must say, that is a very Death Eater aspiration. To defeat Death, to live for as long as possible as happy as possible. That is what the Death Eaters join He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named for," Malfoy smirked over at one of his cronies. Jade couldn't think of his name.

"It's not true! Stop spreading lies!" Jade hissed. Malfoy's bodyguards cracked their knuckles, and maybe in physical strength these 13 year olds could take Jade. But they would be screwed if she pulled out her wand.

Malfoy simply laughed "What am I lying about? Your family has a history of being Death Eaters, your father is in Azkaban for serving You-Know-Who. Or did your boggart really not turn to Death? Am I lying about that?" Malfoy smirked, treating this rumor like politics and knew he won the debate. Jade grabbed her bag and ran up to her bed, slamming the girl's dormitory door behind her.

The Slytherin common room sprang back to a social lifestyle.

* * *

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named came. She was unsure what he looked like, but she knew it was he; tall, pale, with eyes like a snake's. He whispered her name. Jade started walking away. He called her name. Jade started to run. He shouted her name. Jade sprinted. But he was too fast and caught her. Jade felt the long fingers on her shoulder, cold as ice. She turned and Death was laughing in her face; laughing at her own mortality and the nothing he would eventually turn her to.

Jade woke covered in sweat. She panted, her breath echoing around the dark dormitory. A snore came form her right, a murmur from her left. What was the time? It seemed every bed was occupied, so it had to be after 3 a.m.

Jade tossed and turned, but lurking behind her eyelids He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Name's face greeted her, and in the dark unknown that settled in the room Death was waiting. Jade cast a Lumos spell and headed down to the common room, where she lit a warm fire to protect her from the icy hands of her nightmares.

* * *

"Why would you get up so early? Are those rumors really bugging you that easily? Come on, Scarhead gets talked about all the time and he's fine," Natasha and Jade were walking to their Potions class, first period of the morning.

"No, I was just stressing. I have to study. N.E.W.T.s are coming up. Come on, you know me," Jade tried to laugh it off, but was put down by the scandalous stare of some Ravenclaw kid.

"Ya, I know you, and that is why I know being all evil and stuff doesn't suit you," Natasha smirked. Jade rolled her eyes.

"You are worrying over nothing again. I'll leave the true evil to you, Natasha. Just let me study and stress, once this is all over I'll calm down."

"I'm just wondering what we are waiting for to be over," Natasha mumbled under her breath.

"Natasha! Just leave it, kay?" Jade glared at her best friend, then continued at a faster pace to Snape's classroom.

"Silence," Professor Snape's voice spread over the students, "Today, we are happy to welcome back Miss Jade. Of course what you went through was traumatic, and we hope that it will not affect your good work. As for the rest of you," Snape cast an eye over everyone, like he was reading their minds, "even though Miss Jade did have a horrible experience, she still came to me yesterday and asked for her work. Of course, I excused her of all of it, but it does not bode well for this class when the one who missed everything is still more likely to turn in the assignments. Or, at least, get a decent grade on it," Snape let his eyes linger on some poor 6th year Gryffindor.

"Today we will be learning how to make the Draught of Living Death…" class continued on.

And the day ran on as normal. People talked in the halls when she passed, but with Natasha's constant blabber, Jade had an easier time blocking out the voices. Though she still knew what they spoke of, and she still felt their eyes burning a hole in the back of her head.

And then came Defense Against the Dark Arts. Professor Lupin was all smiles and joy, he said he was glad to see Jade back and ready to learn, then offered her some more chocolate, because "sometimes it takes a little more warmth to block out that chill."

Jade refused to eat the chocolate.

The black wardrobe in the corner shook.

"Alright class, today we will be learning about vampires and werewolves and other such creatures of the night. Now, if you would all turn your text books to page 394, we will start with werewolves…" Lupin taught about the cycles. Lupin taught about how to scare a werewolf and how to kill one, though he didn't go into much detail when it came to killing. Jade didn't blame him; she could not see Lupin as someone ready to kill something that had a heart.

The black wardrobe rattled.

"Everyone stay away from the wardrobe, Death is probably waiting in there," someone said under his breath. The class laughed, laughed at Jade and her accursed fear.

Jade boiled with rage, "Alright! Who said that?" Jade jumped up and took out her wand- 12 inches, hornbeam and phoenix feather, slightly springy- and pointed it out to the crowd, "Huh? Anyone gonna speak? Who said that?!" Jade was practically crying.

"Jade, maybe we should put the wand down, yes?" Lupin walked up cautiously behind her, "We don't want to do something wrong now. There you go," Jade wiped tears away from her big brown eyes and tried to take the face of calm, but her head was ringing with fury. And she couldn't handle it. N.E.W.T.s were coming up, she really had to stay and study, but the ringing was driving her insane, and Jade felt the need to run.

She ran out of class with Lupin calling after her and kept going till she was hidden in the shade of the Forbidden Forest near the Great Lake. She watched as Hagrid led a group of third years to their next Care of Magical Creatures project. They walked into the forest and Jade was left alone.

Her father was in Azkaban. Her mother was ashamed of her daughter, the unambitious Slytherin. But that wasn't true. Jade had to do something good, she had to. She couldn't hurt people like her father, she couldn't give up on people like her mother, and she certainly wouldn't be tricked by her family like her little sister. Jade would do something good!

She wanted to be a Healer. She wanted to save lives, not end them. She wanted to help the people her father had pained. Jade only wished to save those her father's master had hurt. But how could she do that if everyone thought her a Death Eater?

Was that all she was? The Sorting Hat must have put her in Slytherin because it knew she would cause pain. Were her ambitions misguided?

NO! she would go out to the world, she would do good! Not a single soul would be injured at her hand! But she feared Death. If her father had opened that wardrobe he would have seen the same thing. Was she like her father?

And then the rumors, the words everyone spoke in whispers when she passed by. The whole school, except for maybe Natasha, thought her goal was to work for You-Know-Who. Was it because it was true? Have they realized her true aspirations before Jade did? All because she really didn't want to die. It was possible, that the entire student body realized Jade's own goal before Jade did.

"Bloody Hell" Jade muttered to herself. _This is what she was condemned to, a future of hurting the innocent_. "no" Jade muttered.

_But everyone said_-"no" Jade cut off her thoughts.

_Then what do you plan on doing about it?_ she thought.

"What I must," she whispered

_Are you prepared?_ she thought. Again the answer was nothing more than a quiet "no".

_And so, you shall grow into a glorious Death Eater,_ she thought.

Jade stood and she ran. She ran with her Slytherin robes flowing behind her. She sprinted all the way back up to Professor Lupin's room, where class was still in session. They had moved on to Veelas.

"Ah, Jade, have you calmed down? Don't worry, I found the person who spoke and punished them accordingly, but for the personal safety of said person, I think I will keep their name a secret," Jade ignored Lupin. She didn't care who said it anymore.

Jade went over in front of the black wardrobe. She lifted her wand. Many gasped, Natasha let out a squeak, Lupin stuttered out a "stop!" but Jade didn't care. Jade was scared; scared of what she was destined to become, scared of what people said she was going to do, scared of what she was doing now. And really scared of Death. But she didn't care. She flicked her wand.

And out of the black wardrobe came her biggest fear, but it was not Death. The class, the school, it seemed the whole universe gasped, for Jade had a new fear.

Out of the black wardrobe came Jade herself.


End file.
